i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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