You're completely useless in the revolution.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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