why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
