I can feel you judging me through the phone.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
