1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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