Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize