overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
