Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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