kristin has been a bad kristin
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize