She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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