I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
how drunk are you?
Several
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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