so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
