i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
