Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
