I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I came so hard my ears popped.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
