I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
