I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize