i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
