Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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