she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
