Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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