p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
