question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She needs sedatives and a leash
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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