hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
