she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
