In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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