Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
