I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
