Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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