come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
