my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
