i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize