You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
