guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
3pm strippers are depressing
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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