he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
