so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
