wrigley field is MILF paradise
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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