Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
