you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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