Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
