I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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