he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize