he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
this is an emotional support booty call
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
