Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
