i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
