His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
