were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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