I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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