when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
