I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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