if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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