yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
