never play flip cup with pint glasses
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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