Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
