He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
