Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
