So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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