Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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