New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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