What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
