I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
