this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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