I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
