put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
