if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
