ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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