it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
