did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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