You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
