wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
