yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize