don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize