I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
