WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish you could order shots online.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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