Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
